9 Things Parents Must Teach

Robert Fulghum wrote a well-titled book, "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." Although I enjoy the reading, if I were the author I might have made the home the center for learning rather than the school, and made the parents the teachers and focused on their central role. The parents' curriculum, therefore? Below.

So, last night Jess and I were up sighing about how our children (five and three years old) will never remember all the things we're doing with them (other than by the thousands upon thousands of 21st-century digital photos and videos we're capturing). We asked one another, for example, "can you remember ever going to the grocery store with your mom?" Neither of us could. It's kind of sad - parenting is a very low fan-fare job.

(Parenthetically, the fact that we can't remember our early years and yet they are real history is an understandable and practical example that can be used to help us understand the doctrine of a real, although temporarily forgotten, pre-earth life.)

We found solace in the fact that although our kids will never remember most of the trips to the water park, the bathtimes, bedtimes, stories, meals - although they'll forget most of the outings, books, haircuts, and trips to the grocery store - they will subconsciously remember and be crucially molded by these first eight years - even especially the first three years. Our efforts are not in vain. These are the years to teach responsibility, joy, and everything else they will need to be well-functioning, self-reliant adults some day. Even though they won't remember the details, they'll remember the feeling and they'll have the habits and abilities they'll have developed.

President Thomas S. Monson recently taught this at a CES fireside:

"In the wisdom of our Heavenly Father, you and I were born into mortality and welcomed into loving families.
"I pause to let you know how much your families pray for you. They worry about you. They wonder how you’re getting along. They love you so much. Don’t disappoint them.
"The Lord tells us in the Doctrine and Covenants that during the first eight years of our lives, power is not given unto Satan to tempt us as little children (see D&C 29:46–47). We had an eight-year head start on Lucifer.
"This information was given by the Lord to the Prophet Joseph Smith back in 1830. In our own time Dr. Glenn Doman, a renowned scholar and scientist who has almost definitely never heard of the revelation quoted, has, through his research, come to the conclusion that “a newborn child is almost an exact duplicate of [a] computer, although superior to one in almost every way.
"'What is placed in the child’s brain during the first eight years of life is probably there to stay. If you put misinformation into his brain during this period, it is extremely difficult to erase it.' He believed that the most receptive age in human life is that of two or three years old.3"You might ask, 'Why is President Monson emphasizing this? Our first eight-year period of learning is long past.' But you, my brothers and sisters, are going to be parents one day, and you will want to emphasize the importance to your children and to your future generations of descendants of that first eight-year period."

So, what's the curriculum for parents. What are the most important things to teach? Has the Lord left us young parents alone as to what we should teach these absorbing little mimics?

Luckily, no.

Here are nine things I find in the scriptures that parents are to emphasize and teach:

1. "We talk of Christ" (2 Nephi 25:26) - If nothing else, our kids must learn from us who Jesus Christ is and what he is all about.
2. How to have "faith in Christ" (Alma 25:16) - Similar to the former, but distinct in that this is where the rubber meets the road - where we come in. This is the only way to have any enduring hope in life.
3. How to repent and receive forgiveness (3 Nephi 9:13-14) - Kids need to know how to reconcile themselves unto God for the future day when they will inevitably "(go) astray."
4. The necessity and purpose of baptism (Alma 7:11-15) - Commitment to a higher standard is what I suppose brings greatest relief to parents of young adult kids who eventually leave the nest. If the child is covenanted to the Lord and takes that covenant seriously, the parents primary role is complete and the continued parenting is between the child and their Father in heaven. Take-away: the parents' job is to sheppard their children to the covenant.
5. The necessity and purpose of the Holy Ghost (John 14:26) - The Father's special messenger assigned to help us keep our covenants and become fully converted is less useful to the children who are not taught by their parents how to hear and heed the promptings of the Spirit. With that teaching, they're protected.
6. How to pray (Doctrine and Covenants 68:28) - Spiritually self-reliant adults who can speak to God and receive answers to their questions and support to their problems, necessarily first learned how to pray. Parents stand in the ideal position to teach this to their children (as well as model the analogous experience in day-to-day life as kids ask mom and dad for stuff all the time).
7. How to keep the commandments (Alma 37:35) - Disobedience to God's explicitly stated laws and joy are incompatible and cannot exist in the same person at the same time, any more than light can shine without electricity or fire. Our kids must learn "wisdom while in their youth," and how can they know except someone "should guide (them)."
8. How to keep the Sabbath day holy (Doctrine and Covenants 68:29) - Parents must teach the kids how to rest, and how to renew the covenant, else the kids will be in danger of losing their spiritual stamina.
9. How to work (Doctrine and Covenants 68:30) - Life is work. The terms of Christian discipleship present most demanding work - at home, in the professional workplace, in the Church, and in the community. It's in the work that we find the Master: "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served...?" (Mosiah 5:13)

I'm thankful for God's involvement in our lives, especially as parents, and I'm glad my kids will at least remember something. 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness really is a miracle. I know that it's real.

I believe that through the Atonement of Christ, we can all receive the gift of forgiveness and be made clean, and be prepared to return home to our Father in heaven.

As a bishop I've been blessed to witness the repentance and forgiveness of many people. It's real. There is such a visible difference in the eyes of people from when they first confess a misdeed to when they have fully repented. The joy I see in those who repent is, in itself, a powerful witness to me of the reality and truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The discernment and insight I receive through the rights and keys of the office of bishop is likewise a powerful witness to me of the truthfulness of the Restoration, and of the power in the priesthood.

A few months ago I was studying the scriptures about forgiveness and I went online to search for a scripture. I came across a presentation on the topic of forgiveness that someone up at BYU-Idaho had put together. I was pumped because it had tons of scriptures and quotes and it was all pre-packaged just waiting for me to find it. It's a great resource.

Since then I've referred to it a few times and drawn from it to share with others. Last night idea dawned on me that I could put it on Goggle Docs and embed it here so that it could be more easily accessed by others. So here it is below. Enjoy.


If you're currently seeking forgiveness and having a hard time with it, part of your problem might be something I've noticed among those I counsel with. It seems that specificity and the direct request for forgiveness are sometimes forgotten in our prayers of repentance. You might ponder whether this is true in your case. When we pray specifically we get specific results. For the sake of clarity, with some I've even given some sample words: "I did _(sin)_. I know that was wrong because _(reasons)_. I hate the fact that I did that. I know it is offensive to Thee. Please forgive me."

Our prayers can thereafter include a testimony of the Savior's Atonement, an expression of faith somewhat like the Brother of Jared's words: "Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this." In fact, the first five verses of Ether chapter 3 give a great model for faithful prayers of any type.

Addiction Recovery

I love these two videos below. They capture the spirit of hope that I have seen as we turn to the Lord for help in overcoming addictions and weaknesses.



Click here to access the LDS Family Services 12-Step Program



If you struggle with any type of addiction, I highly recommend you seek help. If there's anything I can do, please do not hesitate to call. 801-709-1392

Missionary Minute: Literally

Often in church settings we hear of someone taking a minute or two to share a recent opportunity they had to share their beliefs, calling it a "missionary minute."

Well, now you can actually do missionary work in a minute.

Check out this new page on the church website for opportunities to promote the church in under five minutes: http://lds.org/church/share/internet-tasks-that-promote-the-lds-church?lang=eng

Expressing L.O.V.E. Through Christlike Communication

So, today I thought this up. I'm no expert in the area of interpersonal communication, but I thought this was helpful and at least a bit catchy.

Jess is really good at this. Yesterday I came home from work for lunch in a huff, frustrated about some tedious data-transformation project I was working on for the last few hours of the first half of the day that I felt was a big waste of time. She listened to me and my venting, validated my feelings, and expressed concern and appreciation for what I do and how I work to support our family. Thirty minutes later I was renewed by her sweet influence and I was ready to cheerfully go back to work.

So, today I tried to think about a way I could remember in my little man-brain how to try to be like my sweet wife. I came up with this little mnemonic. When someone you love is going through a hard time or is struggling with challenging emotions, you might benefit by expressing "love" through gentle communication:
Listen
Offer help
Validate
Express appreciation

Now, chronologically, I'd actually move the "O" to the end, but LVEO isn't a sticky word I can remember.

So, there you go. Take it for whatever it's worth.

Do you have anything similar to this that you use to remind yourself how to communicate lovingly? If so, please share in the comments.

Invitation to Index

Yesterday, the following invitation was made to all Church employees. I thought it was worth passing along:

You may have already heard the news.

Last year was an exciting year for FamilySearch indexing. In 2010, more than 127,000 volunteers worked together to index nearly 200 million records. Their dedicated work has opened archives and record collections on an unprecedented scale. Records that were once difficult to see or even find are now available on any home computer with Internet access.

While these numbers are impressive, they’re not the real story. Every single record documents an important event, a moment, maybe even a lifetime, of meaning to real people—a birth, a marriage, a death. Some of these people, perhaps, were your family, your very own ancestors!

As exciting as it was, last year’s achievement isn’t enough. At the rate of 200 million records a year, it would take over 100 years to index the estimated 2.5 million rolls of microfilm in the Church’s Granite Mountain Records Vault—not to mention the 100 million new digital images added to the collection each year. Clearly, many more volunteers are needed to move this essential work forward.

FamilySearch Indexing Simplifies Family Research
Just a few decades ago, family history research was often complex, requiring much time and other resources to locate, access, and search records carefully. Many record collections were simply unavailable.

Today, using digital images downloaded to personal computers, volunteers from all over the world collaborate to create indexes of record collections. Records are indexed in small batches that take relatively brief amounts of time, so, in a spare half hour here and there, volunteers complete a monumental work in a few days or weeks.

Enthusiastic about a recent project, Jan Davenport, former president of the Arkansas Genealogical Society, exclaimed, “This project would be impossible without the help of FamilySearch. [We had] 120 years of marriages for 75 counties. It would take a hundred years for a few volunteers to do.” FamilySearch indexers completed the project Davenport mentioned in just three years, while working on many other projects at the same time. As a result of their collaborative efforts, these and other indexes provide easy worldwide access to historical collections, often in searches that take only seconds.

How to Help
To begin indexing, go to http://indexing.familysearch.org and click on the blue Test Drive link on the right side of the page. Once you've finished the Test Drive, which allows users to practice indexing a record, click Done. Then click on the Get Started link. Follow the instructions to install the indexing program. Then click on the indexing icon on your desktop and login, using your LDS Account. You will begin with a few short, simple projects to help you learn the process. When you’re ready to move on, you can choose from a number of projects from around the world, according to your interests and language abilities.

A typical batch doesn’t take long to do—usually 30 minutes or less. If you can’t finish the batch in the time you have, you can always close the program and finish later. Your work is saved automatically. If you don’t have time to complete the batch in a week or so, then someone else will finish it for you. There’s no need to worry. Each person just does what he or she can.

These records help people across the world do their family history; they can also help you. By participating in FamilySearch indexing for just a few minutes each day or week, you make a significant contribution. You may find, as others have, that indexing a little bit each week brings unique power and focus to your life. You may find yourself on an exciting adventure as you glimpse details from the lives of real people from different places and times. You may also find, in newly available collections, records that help you take the next step in discovering your own family history.​

Extra Oil

Lately, my three-year-old son Ethan has begun waking up at 6:30 - during the time that I used to have dedicated to personal scripture study. Now, my primary intent during this time has become maintaining silence in the home so as not to wake Jess and our daughter, Emma. I hesitate though, to totally abandon my study time. The solution: watch MormonMessage videos with Ethan on YouTube.

Lately we've really enjoyed the New Testament series they published. The kids have found a few unexpected, somewhat random, favorites. If you were to ask Ethan which is his favorite, he'd say, "the one with the ten virgins." You can imagine - I've seen it over 20 times. I love it - I've learned a lot.

So, how would you explain to your three-year-old kid what the wise virgins' extra oil represents?

Modern revelation provides a helpful verse: Doctrine and Covenants, section 45 refers to many of the signs to the times that precede the Savior's return. Verse 57 speaks of those who spiritual endure the latter-day difficulty:
57 For they that are wise and have received the truth, and have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide, and have not been deceived—verily I say unto you, they shall not be hewn down and cast into the fire, but shall abide the day.

So, here's at least one definition of the extra oil:

1. Wisdom
2. Receipt of the truth
3. Taking the Holy Spirit as guide
4. Avoiding deception

Another, more pragmatic idea is this - those that are wise are those that do the "non-required" things:

• Personally studying the scriptures daily
• Fulfilling all our duties and striving to keep the commandments always
• Going to all three hours of church
• Attending the Saturday-evening adult session of stake conference
• Prayerfully participating in all sessions of general conference

For more thoughts, consider checking out Elder Dallin H. Oaks' great talk on this topic.

Pondering Questions

I'm intrigued by this quote from Brother John S. Tanner:

"By opening my heart to the Lord’s questions of me, I have discovered that I am in a better position to ask and receive answers to my questions of Him (John S. Tanner, "Responding to the Lord’s Questions", Ensign, Apr. 2002, 26)."

I've begun searching "the Lord's questions of me" in the scriptures. I'm compiling them together in the spreadsheet below. Care to help me? If you know of a question asked in the standard works that is helpful to you in generating pondering thoughts, include it in the list here.



If you would like to search for questions electronically, you'll have to go here and download the scriptures in PDF; you can't search by punctuation at scriptures.lds.org. Once you've downloaded the PDF files, you can open them and search by any character, including the "?" in this case.

Religious Freedom

I think this message, delivered by Elder Dallin H. Oaks in a speech at Chapman University of Law last month, is worth the attention of everyone concerned with all things morally related.



Personally, I think it's awesome that such a wonderfully capable and intelligent person is also a person of such remarkable faith. Thank you, Elder Oaks, for your example.

Admonition, Basking, and Pondering

My ability to take in and make spiritual sense of admonition reached a limit on Sunday afternoon, and it taught me an important lesson. It's spawned into this theory.

Like so many of you, I'm sure, I find there's an endless, even "inexhaustible," amount of good things to learn. In addition to my regular study of the gospel, I'm regularly in other meetings and trainings related to my current calling as bishop. To make up for lost time from my traditional personal gospel study time, I've made a habit of listening to general conference talks and BYU speeches when I can at work. While this has been great, I feel like I've over-flooded myself with admonition - I've taken in more than I've had time to ponder about, implement, and habituate.